So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
