Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
