shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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