literally had 100 drinks last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
