What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
its liver damage thursday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
