What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
