we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
