Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
