I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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