I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
