you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
