She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize