i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
