Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
