Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
