when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
