My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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