There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
