I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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