Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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