puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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