there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
