That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize