Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
