actually, I'm a sock model
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
