How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
