I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
