apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
