I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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