Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
