He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize