"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When did angry sex become our thing?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
