yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
someone owes me an orgasm
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
