Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
