dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize