I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
