hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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