apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My vagina is officially offended.
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