found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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