He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
