I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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