Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
