I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
