whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
two words...techno handjob
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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