Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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