If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
