Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
