I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
