its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize