problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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