its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
