You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
