i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
