its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
