dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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