My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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