You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
