You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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