i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
