I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
