You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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