Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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