o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize