If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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