I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
