I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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