dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
