remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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