sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
