He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
