dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
