I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
