So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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