Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize