Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
