How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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