laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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