I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
