pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
