my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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