instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
